As soon as you get your first job, you start getting questions about who you’re going to marry. We’re going out on the weekends and looking for husbands. Men never have that conversation. They’re never like, ‘I’m going out this weekend with my boys to find my wife.’ Never in my 32 years have I heard a man ever say that. But it’s kind of programmed into us women. I didn’t realize that I was speaking for a generation on national television, being like, ‘I’m not ready to get married and have a baby.’ It’s almost like one of the worst things you can say as a woman, because it’s like, ‘Well, no, we’ve programmed you since birth for that to be your next step.’
But if you really sit back and look, so many couples end up getting divorced. So are you really not going to focus on your female friendships for a guy when it might not even work out?
I didn’t go to an all-girls high school, but I went to an all girls sleep-away camp every summer, so I can relate to being in that safe, protected space. I met some of my best friends there. We were always so silly and gross, and didn’t care about any external pressures. We were fully our true selves.
It obviously depends on the child, but my mom knew that an all-girls school would be beneficial for me. In those formative years, you’re not worried that if you get the answer wrong, your crush sitting next to you is going to think you’re dumb. It’s not even a thought that goes through your mind. You’re not showering, you’re not wearing makeup to class. And if you do, it’s because you genuinely wanted to put makeup on for yourself.
I know several women who have stayed in relationships that they knew weren’t right because they felt that they were up against a ticking clock. What did it take for you to end a relationship that you knew wasn’t right?
One of the things that I always think is crazy is that if you said, ‘I’m going to wait to be a little more qualified before I go for this job, people would be like ‘That’s smart, she’s got a good head on her shoulders.’ But if you say, ‘I’m going to wait to have a baby so that I can be a better mom as I get older and have learned more,’ it’s always taken as a negative. People are like, ‘Oh my God, she’s having a baby later in life.’
When I was 25, I used to think ‘If I’m not married with a baby by 30, I’m a failure. I’ve lost it.’ But then I got older and my career picked up. I didn’t know that I was going to want to go fully in on my career. I didn’t realize how much I loved being fully independent. It’s not selfish to say, ‘I’m picking myself.’ It’s about what feels right in your gut, what makes you happy and where you feel most aligned.
Now, at 32, what do you think about the timeline you were on?
I was really scared about turning 30. I hated the concept of being out of my twenties. Everyone said being 30 wasn’t any different than being 29, but I feel like there is a drastic change. I feel like your whole mindset really does change from 30 to now, being 32. I feel completely different than I did at 26, when I was on a timeline. I don’t think about a timeline as goal-achieving, I now think about it more as, ‘What could potentially be happening in my life at 39?’ It’s not good or bad, it just is.