Welcome to the Anime Grab Bag! In this series, we’ll dive into the depths of specific anime subgenres and hunt, perhaps futilely, for hidden gems. Each month, long-time otaku and old friends Leah and Bridget will spin a custom roulette wheel composed of qualifying anime and watch three random pilot episodes. You can find this volume’s wheel here!
While the wheel will contain almost every possible title in the subgenre, your hosts must abide by the following rules:
- Each show must be an anime that at least one host has never seen.
- Each show must be available to stream somewhere so readers can join in if they want to.
- We are forbidden from doing any research on the show before viewing it, although a simple Google search and some Wikipedia-ing during and after are fair game.
We’ll react to our selections and share our thoughts on where they fit into the anime landscape. We’ll comment on everything from music direction to character design, make comparisons to other series, and finally ask the most important question: Would we watch more of this?
Feel free to play along by watching these shows (if you dare), spinning the wheel to meet your fate, or sharing your expertise below.
This week, we invite you to join us for a bisgetti dinner after dark. It’s the Vampire Variety Show!
B: My earliest animes were all vampire animes. Trinity Blood, Blood+. When I used to tell people about my favorite shows, they were like, “Why does everything have blood in it?”
L: I was such a Buffy stan that anything vampire-adjacent got my attention by default.
B: Did I tell you recently I tried watching the first episode of Vampire Diaries? Because some people really like it. Midway through I was like, “Why do they keep writing in journals? What’s that about?”
L: …oh, man.
B: And then I realized, and I shut the tab immediately. This isn’t for me.
First Spin: Descendants of Darkness (J.C. Staff, 2000)
B: Oh my god. This is some Boys’ love shit.
L: Oh wow. It’s 25 years old. How big will the yaoi hands be?
B: Hopefully large. The art reminds me of an old Shojo Beat standby, Godfather. Do you know that one?
L: You know I don’t like those mafia movies.
B: Sorry, no, it was God Child, part of the Cain Saga. There were some BL leanings, but it was a gross age gap, which isn’t my thing.
L: Ugh. Age gaps can work when one guy’s in college and the other guy’s like, retired yakuza in his forties. But it absolutely never works when it’s any combination of adult and child.
Viewing Summary
The anime’s age shines with glorious abandon. A shameless visual kei OP takes us on a CGI journey through some kind of supernatural agency (it reminds Leah of watching Eyewitness in the classroom as a kid). The characters are mostly tall men in big trench coats whose collars blow in an unseen wind. Someone is wearing either a Kabuki or Noh mask (we hope it’s Noh, because watching Noh on NHK in Japanese hotel rooms on Sundays is a favorite pastime). One character has heterochromia; another has tattoos. To our delight, it is all very gay.
L: I don’t hate this.
B: Are you kidding? As a huge fan of classic visual kei, I am so into this.
A woman walks alone at night in Nagasaki, and a vampire attacks. A blood moon rises! It must be fall because ginkgo leaves are yellow. Jump ahead to sakura-smothered springtime, and Asato Tsuzuki and his big-coated colleagues are convening for a meeting. Where do they work? They are shinigami, death gods at the Department of Hades, and they are responsible for investigating undead crimes.
Genre cliches notwithstanding, we are pleasantly surprised by Tsuzuki’s likability. Though he looks brooding, he’s a goofy dude who loves food. BL archetypes are a breed of their own, but this guy ain’t awful. There is an awful winged mascot looming over the series, unfortunately, because someone has to infodump, and even BL shows wanna sell plushies.
Anyhow, Tsuzuki heads to Nagasaki to investigate a string of vampire attacks. Shinigami, like Mormon missionaries, have to work in pairs, so he’s got to meet up with his new partner ASAP. After a brief encounter with a crying red-eyed vampire in a church—clear antagonist material—he collides with a boy named Hisoka Kurasaki. His partner, the rookie! Kurasaki died and became a shinigami at the age of 16. That’s rough, buddy.
L: Hmm, it seems like his hands are not quite twice the size of the boy’s face.
B: Yeah, we’re looking at a 1.5 yaoi hand.
L: Respectable.
The two go out for dinner in Chinatown and bicker over dim sum. As the Trope Gods demand, the kid accidentally drinks alcohol and immediately faints. Afterwards, Tsuzuki tucks him into bed in the hotel. Our hackles rise—but the scene is entirely chaste. It’s endearing, even.
B: That was really cute.
L: Look, I know the bar is low, but for 2000s Yaoi? He’s not taking advantage or being creepy. He’s like, “Oh, this poor kid, how did he end up here?” But I’m not delusional. It’s unlikely the whole season will remain wholesome.
B: 100% it won’t, but for now, I like them.
The rest of the episode involves a foiled attempt to defeat an enemy in a warehouse. Hisato has some psychic abilities. Tsuzuki reveals his more serious side, summoning a mythical phoenix to fight a zombie lady’s dragon. Somehow the warehouse does not burn down.
Our boys survive, for now. But like all buddy cop characters, they’re going to have to learn to get along. Then maybe they can defeat that white-haired, handsome vampire menace.
Conclusions
Nagasaki makes for an interesting setting, and maybe we are both suckers, but this pilot was fun and nostalgic. The characters have clear roles, the detective element is fun, and the central premise—that shinigami are responsible for taking care of vampires because vampires fundamentally defy the laws of death? It’s solid.
Our biggest reservation is the inevitable mishandling of the relationship between Tsuzuki and Hisato. This show came out when BL and GL content were in their most problematic eras. Back then, we queers (both hosts are LGBTQ+) had to make do with truly questionable content. We tolerated shows that made us uncomfortable because we were starved for representation. For a long time, the bulk of the BL genre defaulted to stories of predatory older men seducing teen boys and winning them over through blackmail. It was really bad, and still can be at times, but the subgenre has matured remarkably over the past decade. In the post-Yuri!!! On Ice world, fantastic queer content has finally hit the mainstream. (Read my piece on my favorite series in years, The Summer Hikaru Died, or ask Bridget to wax poetical about The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t a Guy at All).
B: In general, I really liked it. It is a lot better than some BLs of this era that I have seen.
L: I was expecting like, complete trash, but it was fine?
B: I was expecting Loveless.
L: Oof. Yeah. Instead, it had a decent premise and cute characters. Just the fact that the main characters were working in the same field. Rather than the boy relying on the older guy to protect him. They were peers. And he (Tsuzuki) was kind of charming.
B: It was kind of reminding me of Trinity Blood, which is one of my faves, and it is also a workplace drama in a way, because they’re vampire hunters hired by a futuristic version of the Catholic Church.
L: The anime take on Christianity is always fascinating. Christianity is more of a novelty here (in Japan), rather than an oppressive, ingrained part of the culture. That’s comforting, especially from a queer perspective. People here think of Catholicism the same way that, I don’t know, Americans think about ninjas.
Would we watch more?
L: I would watch more with you, to see where it was headed.
B: Same. I don’t know if I’d watch more alone.
L: And the moment it crossed a line—we both know what line—
B: We’d shut it off.
Second Spin: Nyanpire the Animation (Gonzo, 2011)
B: Since each episode is four minutes long, can we just add it as a bonus?
L: Yeah. I think as cat ladies, we are legally required to watch any series about a handsome vampire adopting a kitten.
B: It looks so cute. And you know I really love anime shorts. One of my favorites of all time is—
L (snickering): Hetalia.
B: ….that’s so rude.
L: I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.
B: One of my actual favorites is Wakako-zake.
L: I wish the kitty didn’t speak.
B: I kind of love it.
L: I work with kids who throw tantrums like this. I prefer when animals in shows make animal sounds, maybe with some subtitles that show their thoughts.
B: Like in Chi’s Sweet Home?
L: Yes!
Viewing Summary
A stray kitten gets adopted by a vampire. To save the kitten’s life, the vampire offers his blood, and ta-da! Our kitten grows longer fangs and a pair of bat wings, and a little yellow cross appears on his tummy. Thus, Nyan-pire is born! Hijinks ensue. Nyanpire is thirsty for blood but decides anything red will do, even Tabasco. And then a third of the tiny episode’s runtime is an ED (ending theme song) featuring Harajuku girls dancing in maid costumes.
Conclusions
B: We did watch that.
L: It was fine, I guess?
B: I like Bananya better if I have to pick a cat short.
Third Spin: Fortune Arterial (feel., Zexcs, 2010)
L: Girl, did you put hentai on our list?
B: I didn’t mean to. Oh… it does look pretty hentai.
L: An adult visual novel. PC game… ecchi adjacent. Girrrrrl.
B: It’s not available to watch anyway.
L: I am at peace with that.
Fortune Arterial was disqualified for breaking the second rule of Anime Grab Bag.
Fourth Spin: Princess Resurrection (Madhouse, 2007)
L: You know, I am glad we’ve been getting things neither of us have seen. I’m excited because we really don’t know what to expect. There are so many different kinds of vampire stories. Will it horror? Adventure? A mystery? Is it romance?
B: It could be anything.
Viewing Summary
Red flags wave immediately. The credits hold so long on the title card that Leah is already questioning the budget, and Bridget notes that the sound production is terrible. During the OP, a boy’s face is pressed into some boobs. In unified dismay we cry: “Harem!”
The show opens on a milquetoast guy staring at an abandoned mansion through chained gates and remarking that it doesn’t appear to be occupied. This kid walks up to the haunted house on the hill and doesn’t question it, only to immediately go back down the hill and be scared by a local dog and a local, erm, wolf. Look, in medias res is not an easy concept for some, but why the hell did we start on the hill if he’s going back to town right away?
Anyhow, in a nearby cafe, his very well-endowed sister eats boobily in a cafe where she and her breasts happily enjoy a parfait.
L: Those boobs are going to be her whole personality. She’s going to be dumb with big boobs and hug people, especially her brother. It’s not her fault, but that’s the lot this crappy writer gave her. R.I.P. girl.
Anyhow, Hiro, our boring protagonist, just happens to be there when a smug blonde vampire girl, riding atop a heap of her possessions carried by a child servant, comes by. And oh no, the child-labor-fueled cart gets a flat! They end up on the sidewalk. And then a bunch of steel beams are falling, so our stupid hero named Hiro rushes forward and shoves the blonde yandere out of the way! She sneers at him for saving her and mocks him for dying in the process. She’s a real catch.
B: It’s so obvious where it’s all going.
L: She’s going to be like, “You’re a piece of crap but I’ll help you.”
B: And she’ll be like, “And I’m the only one for you.”
L: And all the other girls in the mansion will also fall for him though he’s the most boring person in existence. So sad how we can see the future sometimes, but this is all we can see. Our clairvoyance is limited to anime.
B (hollow-voiced): Because we’ve seen too much.
Our boring hero Hiro dies in the hospital, and the sadist vampire shows up to resurrect him. Thus the series’ name, we guess, but man, you might as well resurrect a bowl of cereal for all the entertainment value this kid’s bringing to this show. When he runs from the morgue, a guard cries out, “A cadaver has escaped!”
L: What, like it happens a lot?
B: Yeah, if they see a guy leave the morgue they’re actually going to be like, “Oh fuck we screwed up.”
L: Man, what a masterpiece.
B: Can we just watch an episode of Black Butler and say we watched this?
L: It’s tempting.
B: Hey, Leah. What’s a good warrior cat name?
[Note: This phrase, a reference to an iconic older bit from the My Brother My Brother and Me podcast, has long been an agreed-upon safeword for the hosts.]
Anyhow, in part because of the safeword but mainly because the show fucking sucks, we end our misery and turn off Princess Resurrection at around the 13-minute mark.
Conclusions
B: Man, that show was giving us guff.
L: And we were giving it guff because it was so shit. And not shit in a fun way like Pastel Yumi. This was predictable in all the worst little ways.
B: It’s so formulaic, and when we got into anime, we saw a lot of shows like this.
L: Black Butler is iconic, but it inspired the creation of a lot of terrible anime. “Okay, we’ll have them all in a mansion in maid and butler costumes and we’ll throw in some supernatural stuff.” Like, they don’t realize that what made Black Butler so compelling was that the central character dynamics were so essentially fucked up and fascinating. Shows like this completely misunderstand the fundamental charm of the shows they copied.
B: This was also the era of (the anime adaptation of Jane Austen’s) Emma, and Rosario+ Vampire. And Vampire Knight was really popular around this time, and even just thinking about harem anime; that genre was the popular genre around 2007. I remember getting into anime and just hating this entire side of it.
L: Yeah, stuff like this just really misses the mark.
B: Black Butler is still really enjoyable. There’s an arc set in the Black Forest in Germany that is especially great. [This story arc, The Emerald Witch arc, actually just started airing this month!] I need to catch up with the manga.
L: No one has ever said that about Princess Resurrection.
Would we watch more?
Princess Resurrection was so riveting that we talked about how good Black Butler is instead of finishing it. Heck no we ain’t watching more.
B: That was truly so bad.
L: 2007 can do much better. I mean, come on. Gurren Lagann came out in 2007.
B: Haruhi Suzimiya. Claymore. Mononoke. Moribito.
L: Baccano! Fantastic genre stuff was everywhere. There’s no excuse for this.
Fifth Spin: Owari no Seraph (Wit Studio, 2015)
B: I’ve seen most of it. Have you?
L: Ooh. Yeah. This is a show I was conflicted about, because it is so well-made but it borders on queerbaiting. It sets the two protagonist boys from an orphanage as eternal best friends and suggests they love each other, and then turns one into a vampire and one into a vampire hunter. It’s a great dramatic setup. But it felt like the creator pitched this as shōnen-ai, and then an editor forced it into the shōnen box for profit.
B: 100%. It did feel like that. I watched up to midway through season two. I liked it, but it was just so frustrating to watch.
L: Clearly those boys are in love. And the author knew it too. But there’s something or someone on the publishing end standing in the way.
B: There was very much an element of “leave some space for Jesus.” Tonally, it was just missing payoff the whole time.
Owari no Seraph was disqualified for breaking the first rule of Anime Grab Bag.
Sixth Spin: Trinity Blood (Gonzo, 2005)
B: Gasp! The amount of emotions I just felt. Have you seen Trinity Blood?
L: Bridget, you came over to my apartment to work on cosplay and we had a little Trinity Blood marathon.
B: I think I forced you to watch it because it was so formative for me. That theme song. The big shoulders. The emotional eyes. It 100% has the drawing style of a BL, but is not a BL for some reason. It’s very good.
L: I did like watching it with you because it meant a lot to you.
Trinity Blood was disqualified for breaking the first rule of Anime Grab Bag.
Seventh Spin: Don Dracula (Tezuka Productions, 1982)
B: Hell yeah! Tezuka Osamu’s Don Dracula.
L: We talked about this! My favorite Tezuka is Dororo, even though the original manga lacks a real ending. The 2019 anime is fantastic. I wonder what his take on Dracula will be like.
B: I’m so happy we got this one.
L: I hope this is the palate-cleanser we need after Princess Resurrection.
Viewing Summary
Well, it’s hard to critique an icon. Tezuka’s style is so classic, and his comedy, while dated, is a real glimpse into a bygone age of animation. Showa jokes may be cringey, but true slapstick never dies.
Don Dracula is a horror comedy about Dracula and his daughter, a precocious girl named Chocola, who have moved (along with their whole Transylvanian castle) to Japan. Chocola wants to go to night classes, and Dracula wants to chug the blood of beautiful virgins (hee-haw).
L: Bridget, how does this compare to the recent Nosferatu adaptation?
B: That movie was so horny.
L: This Dracula seems pretty horny, too.
Anyhow, Dracula has a nightmare that he has accidentally seduced an ugly woman! This poor foreign weirdo! His daughter, a clear case study in parentification, helps him get up and get his shit together before she goes to school.
Meanwhile, Van Helsing himself arrives in Tokyo via KUM airlines and harasses the airport security, flashing porno mags at them and beating them over the heads. They let him into Japan, naturally. He enters Chocola’s school and demands a job so he can rout out Dracula and his kid. As he bullies the principal into submission, he’s overcome with the need to shit and flees to the restroom. Van Helsing’s hemorrhoids are not only a major plot point, but also his hamartia.
Our biggest complaint so far is that the show has too much Professor Van Helsing and not enough Dracula, but time will tell. Chocola has a decent head on her shoulders, hampered only by the idiocy of her dad and his nemesis. She’s tenacious, and she has a very adorable bat form. When Van Helsing confronts Chocola in class by thrusting a cross in her face, she puts on sunglasses to repel its power. It is golden slapstick, watching her remove and replace the glasses every time he springs a cross on her.
L: This reminds me of Hanna-Barbera, honestly. Like yes, Scooby-Doo, but also Dick Dastardly. I wonder if that inspired this, given the timeframe. Tezuka used any references he could; he wasn’t precious about that shit.
Later, Van Helsing sneaks into Dracula’s castle via underground tunnels. He finds the family coffins in the basement and then—
L: You know that one iconic episode of It’s Always Sunny? The one called “Who Pooped the Bed?”
B: Oh my god. I was not anticipating this.
L: He… he shat in the coffin? Really?!
B: He shat the bed!
L: I did not call it. Our clairvoyance failed.
B: See, I’m coming around now. This is funny.
Yes, friends. In this series created by the most influential mangaka of all time, Van Helsing shits in Dracula’s coffin. And because of Japanese sensibilities, Van Helsing apologizes to Don Dracula and promises to clean up his mess. Sure, he wanted to kill him, but he didn’t mean to damage his property. While Helsing works on hosing out the coffin, Dracula and Chocola have to share hers, which is less than ideal. Eventually, they have to sleep in trash cans.
B: This guy (Van Helsing) cannot live his life this way. He needs to seek professional help.
The ED begins, a showa-era banger with psychedelic animation.
Conclusions
L: You know, when we started this today, I did not expect that the climax of the Tezuka anime would be Van Helsing shitting in Dracula’s coffin. But here we are.
B: It really did have What We Do in the Shadows energy.
L (Viago-voiced): “Look, I know ve are vampires and ve love killing, but don’t be rude. Don’t sheet in our coffins.”
B: It’s of its time, but that’s okay. It also looked like there were other fun characters in the opening. I wonder what those characters are like.
L: Personally, I need to see more vampires defending themselves using sunglasses. Actually, former Christians and ex-Mormons should do that too. Like, don’t even explain it. When someone mentions Moroni, your sunglasses magically appear.
B: “What do you mean, sunglasses? I’m not wearing sunglasses.”
L: Also, I know poop humor is out of fashion because people think of it as lowbrow. But because it’s so uncommon these days, I feel a little delighted when it shows up.
B: It is a historical constant. The only constants in the world are change and the fact that poop jokes will always exist.
Would we watch more?
L: Don Dracula has unfortunate jokes about people being ugly and fat, and it’s horny, and the humor is definitely old-school, but at least the characters were established. I prefer that to Princess Resurrection any day.
B: Agreed, that could be fun.
Well, folks, today really was a vampire variety show. For a supernatural subgenre with pretty established rules, it’s wild to see how diverse the stories can be. What are your favorite vampire anime? Did you spin the wheel? Do you prefer serious shows, or famous characters from classic literature pooping their pants? Do let us know.
Next time, at Bridget’s suggestion, we’ll be delving into a uniquely Japanese cozy slice-of-life genre, iyashikei. It may not be an SFF thing, but we think everyone could benefit from watching a few cozy shows during the coming months. You can find the iyashikei wheel here!
In This Article:
- Descendants of Darkness (J.C. Staff, 2000) Available on Prime Video
- Nyanpire the Animation (Gonzo, 2011) Available on Crunchyroll.
- Princess Resurrection (Madhouse, 2007) Available on Prime Video.
- Don Dracula (Tezuka Productions, 1982) Available on Youtube via the official Tezuka Productions channel.