No matter how old we are, our parents’ opinions hold tremendous sway in how we navigate the world, whether in seeking their approval or rebelling against it. If your parents’ opinions don’t have power over you anymore it’s probably thanks to hours of hard work in therapy. But for most of us, we often hear their voices in the back of our heads — or over the phone — giving us advice at best or making us second guess our choices at worst. But comedians, romantic partners, and cohosts of the Happy Wife, Happy Life podcast, Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick, want you ask yourself one question:
“Would you be friends with your parents if they weren’t your parents?”
“I think that’s something that should inform the way that your parents’ judgment affects your life,” says Myrick in a clip posted to the pod’s Instagram and TikTok accounts. “For me, I like my parents. I would be friends with my parents if my parents weren’t my parents. So I take stock of their judgment a little bit more.”
It’s a worthy question! Are your parents the kind of people you choose to surround yourself with now that you’re older and wiser? Do your values and their values match up? Do they want for you what you want for yourself and cheer you on the way your closest friends do? A parent-child relationship isn’t precisely like a friendship, of course, but that doesn’t in and of itself imbue your parents with special knowledge on what’s best for you.
Landreth extended the question a little more as it pertains to dating and relationship advice.
“I think you can also look at your parents and go ‘Would I want a marriage like this?’” she offers. “And if the answer is no, why are you letting them dictate how you date? I think you would like a marriage like your parents’ in a lot of ways.”
Commenters connected to the advice, with some saying this approach has helped them and others blown away by the concept.
“I came to this realization several years ago with my mom,” says one. “Like, if she wasn’t my mom I would not ever associate with her. I wouldn’t have coffee with her. I would hate her as a coworker. I don’t like my mom.”
“I love my parents but I wouldn’t be friends with them,” agrees another. “Because of their attitude and actions! It’s a weird reality.”
“My mom would be my cool coworker whose advice I take 90% of the time,” says a third. “My dad would be my sworn enemy as he currently is.”
So the next time your parents want to offer advice on relationships or an opinion on your outfit, go ahead and ask yourself “Are we otherwise on the same page or are they just my parents?” It doesn’t mean you have to go no contact or not love them or change your relationship: it just gives you a clearer sense of where you stand.