The holidays are great, but one thing that is never, ever fun are the logistics. Who’s baking what? Who hasn’t RSVPed? Are we getting the adults presents this year or are we just buying for the kids? And, of course, who’s hosting?
This last one can get particularly contentious, especially when in-laws are involved, and that’s just the problem Redditor u/confettii123 faced when she took to the popular “Am I The Assh*le”(AITA) board on Reddit to ask “AITAH for not allowing in-laws to be present on Xmas morning while our kids open gifts?”
“Confetti”notes that, off the bat, she and her husband have different expectations of what Christmas morning looks like based on their own childhoods. Confetti is an only child and celebrated with her mom and dad before heading to her grandparents’ house nearby. Her husband is one of three kids and grew up with visiting family all gathered around the tree in the morning.
“Before having kids, we’d stay with them for a week or long weekend over Christmas,” she explains, but now that she has two toddlers, she wants to keep the morning “sacred and intimate amongst the four of us.”
“We only get so many years of little kids on Christmas morning and I want to soak up every single moment,” she says.
Her idea is to enjoy Christmas morning as a family of four and then make the three hour drive to his family, where his parents and visiting siblings (who don’t have kids) will be celebrating. She does add later that she’d be happy to have her in-laws come to their house on Christmas morning, but in any case this plan isn’t going over well with her husband.
“He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings because it would mean the world to them to watch the grandkids open presents from Santa,” she continues. “His mom has made comments in the past how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went (being passive aggressive towards my feelings on it). We had the same argument last year. I told my husband that they had their turn with their own kids, and this is now about us and our children. I still want to see and celebrate with his family, but only after we have Christmas just the 4 of us on that morning. Am I being unreasonable?”
Reaction from readers is pretty mixed. Many support Confetti in her decision with some noting the hassle of transporting the whole family plus presents to her in-laws and back. Others simply believe “They had their kids. They had their Christmas morning moments.”
“I was one of those kids who were dragged from pillar to post every Christmas & I hated it,” says one commenter. “We could hardly ever play with our toys because we were at someone else’s house & our toys were “messy” or “would get lost so leave them in the boxes.” Argh. For our son, the rule was that people were more than welcome to come to us, but Christmas day we weren’t going ANYWHERE.”
Others felt Confetti was being downright pigheaded about her decision.
“Decisions are made between both of you,” reads one comment. “YTA for that comment alone and thinking your wishes trump his.”
“So this is about your wants and needs?” asks another member of Team YTA. “You celebrated Christmas in a certain way as a child and expect your husband to agree and fall in line with your preferences? He isn’t able to share with his kids his preferences when it comes to the holidays?”
Many felt this was a case of “NAH” or “no assh*les here.”
“You and your husband have the same problem,” one redditor observes. “You are both resistant to change.”
“NAH,” agrees another. “You (an only child) and your husband (middle of three) were reared differently and have come to think of XMas in different ways. To you, it’s about traditions within a small, tightly knit nuclear family; to him, it’s about celebrating within a widespread clan of immediate family.”
It just goes to show that when it comes to family dynamics at the holidays, there’s no clear answers, you’re never going to make everyone happy, and you aren’t the only one struggling with it this year or any year. Godspeed…
